Sunday, 30 October 2016

Under the sky (31/10/2016)

Now I'm laying down on the grass. It is because the whether is beautiful today. At first, we were talking at a cafe where we visited at first time but it closed earlier than we had expected. Therefore we had to move to another place.  Eventually we chose this park located near Museum station. Two of my friends are talking under sunshine but I don't want to be tanned. That's why I escaped from sunshine and came into shades. I enjoyed meditating but so many flies disturbed my meditation. At the end, I gave up to meditate. But just now, I realised we need such a pastime to be relaxed otherwise we will accumulate our stress and explode someday.

2 comments:

  1. Now I'm laying down on the grass. It is because the (weather) is beautiful today. At first, we (Who is we?)were talking at a cafe where we visited (the) first time but it closed earlier than we had expected. Therefore we had to move to another place. Eventually we chose this park located near Museum station. Two of my friends (were) talking (in the sun) but I (didn't) want to be tan. That's why I (avoided) the sunshine and (went) into the shade(). I enjoyed meditating but so many flies disturbed my meditation. (In) the end, I gave up meditating. () I (just) realised (that my friends and I need this type of) a pastime to be relaxed otherwise (our stress will accumulate and we will) explode someday.

    Good work Mayuko. Before you use pronouns like "we", you need to introduce who "we" refers to. You write well Mayuko. You could work on your word order, and focusing on writing in the active voice. Overall, it's really well done 😊

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now I'm laying down on the grass. It is because the (weather) is beautiful today. At first, we (Who is we?)were talking at a cafe where we visited (the) first time but it closed earlier than we had expected. Therefore we had to move to another place. Eventually we chose this park located near Museum station. Two of my friends (were) talking (in the sun) but I (didn't) want to be tan. That's why I (avoided) the sunshine and (went) into the shade(). I enjoyed meditating but so many flies disturbed my meditation. (In) the end, I gave up meditating. () I (just) realised (that my friends and I need this type of) a pastime to be relaxed otherwise (our stress will accumulate and we will) explode someday.

    Good work Mayuko. Before you use pronouns like "we", you need to introduce who "we" refers to. You write well Mayuko. You could work on your word order, and focusing on writing in the active voice. Overall, it's really well done 😊

    ReplyDelete